My Story; Part 2

My Story; Part 2

Georgia is not confident. I am still learning how to love myself. ever since i was little i was the most confident little girl in the whole world. i was the girl with bright pink shorts on, knee high socks, fake glasses, and suspenders. Yes that is an actual outfit i have worn. At least until crappy people tore that part in me down. i was a rainbow colored little girl, but they covered it with black paint. i'm not sure why they had to do all that to me. What did i do? Why me? Was it something i said? i will never know why people were mean to me. My mom always told me that i was popular because i was so confident in myself, i would take the mean comments and they would go in one ear and out the other. However i, 11/12 year old girl can only take so much.

i began to not talk about anything. I had one side; the side that nobody knew about. I wasn't strong at all, i began to take everything so personal. I wasn't OK at all. then i had my other side; I was OK on the outside. that was basically all i would tell myself. but i was starting to feel awful about myself, I was never thinking  i was beautiful. Yes, i had people and a family that would tell me that i"m pretty. However at that time i was not OK with.. myself. I started to hate myself. I would wait till everyone was asleep then i would cry, and have a break down.  i was not the real Georgia anymore. I still have no idea if i will ever find that girl again.

The bullying got worse. it was the constant, and never ending dirty looks and the whispering that really got to me. At the beginning of 7th grade there was a boy. He was all the trouble in 6th grade. By no he was 13 and had gotten into drugs. at the start it was just slut whore and ho. However i remember one day he came up to me before class and asked me, "Are you a thot?" I was confused. I had no idea what a "thot" was. throughout the class he would randomly say out loud looking at me "THOT" the teacher said nothing at all. So that night i told a friend. She had no idea either. So instead i looked it up. I was so... destroyed,

Wale is only the latest rapper to capitalize on a newly popular slang term: thot. "'Thot' stands for 'That Ho Out There,'" Kiara Johnson—better known as rapper Katie Got Bandz—told Complex when asked about the definition. "So, a slut, a ho, a tramp, you know.
( Wikipedia definition )

I didn't know what to do. so i told my mom. she emailed the teacher but honestly nothing was done. this was only one of the experiences that i went through with this jerk. he tore me into pieces over time. he at one point told me i was fat. So i began to purge. This is when i began to think about suicide. i was spinning out of control. i told my friend about how i saw online that bleach makes you loose weight. But she told me that that would kill me. She was so worried about me that when i was camping with my family she called my mom and told her almost everything. she basically saved my life. She was going through the same kind of stuff. but somewhere we went completely wrong. I'm not sure what i did but she began to hate my guts. She didn't believe me that the boy was bullying me. i was so devastated. We were once inseparable. But now she was bullying me. I was so alone. By now the depression had punched me in the face and put me in a whole, all by myself. 








I didn't want help. i just wanted to be left alone. i didn't want to get close ,emotionally, to anyone. I was so scared that they would leave me, that's what everybody else did, so what was i supposed to believe. 

One night i had a dream the my "ex" friend was nice to me. The bullying from her had gone on for two months. the dream was telling me something. That morning the the gym, she was actually talking to me. I was so happy that day, not usual to the depression that had consumed me lately. then at the end of the day in 8th period she gave me a note it was almost a page long. It was all about how sorry she was and how she missed me. Did i just get my best friend back? Indeed i did. She was mine again i was still lost in my very deep depression. Soon after i was beginning to hear voices. i told my therapist but she didn't tell my parents.so one night i had a break down and had to go to the hospital. by then all my secrets had been exposed. the depression, the voices, the uncontrolled bullying, and even all my issues in my own mind. Also by then i was thinking about suicide every single day..........

...to be continued... 

immediately.

At one point through all of this i had experimented with cutting. the first time i did it i did it on my stomach. But like with some people it didn't help me. I promised myself wouldn't do it again. I broke that promise. I did it again, but this time on my wrist. i was so depressed I had fallen into Hell. I was living in the Devil's  mansion. he had taken control, and I had given up. But something happened the nightmares that were my life had begun to slow down. Then one day they just stopped. One night night i had an actual dream, a good one. I woke up on the right side of the bed that morning. i decided to tell my mom everything. no lies.

She help me get help.  i talk to a therapist. And they put me on medicine. i was finally on the road to recovery. i was finally getting the help in needed. for a bit. but i tripped again. i went to a place called clarity, it is an amazing place. it is a place sort of like a mental hospital, for teens. they helped me out so much.  the place and the people helped me get back to normal.

Recently i saw the movie To Write Love On Her arms. I don't even know what to say, it was great. It help me realize that we have to choose if we want to get better. And i chose that i wanted to get better.

I wouldn't say that I'm back to the old me, and i don't think i will ever be her again. But i am getting better. Sharing my story has been the main thing that has helped me right now. So if you are still reading this, it means that you haven't been board yet. If you are sill reading this and you liked it, please, please, share my story with your friends and family, i want people to know that it is okay to talk to someone and to want to get better. But you can't just throw it all out there and leave it ALL up to fate. You have to help write your story. You got to make the decision to wake up, look in the mirror and say " I am beautiful. Now i believe in myself." You NEED to want to be okay again. i will never be back to normal because bullying doesn't leave your life but stand up for yourself. " Everyday above ground is a good one." Pit Bull. Share your story.